Hi! It’s Stacey again, and thanks for hanging out! So I have to be honest, while I’ve been feeling fantastic and doing great overall, the COVID pandemic has got me down. Especially since California has shut down again. It’s a real bummer. I can’t go to my Pilates studio, my hair appointment was cancelled (I’m not a real blonde – gasp!), and I feel so isolated from my friends and family. UGH!
While I sit and drown in my self-pity, my heart goes out to the people who are really suffering, like people who have lost their jobs, or small business owners who are struggling to stay afloat. Even if you don’t fall into those categories, COVID has impacted every single person. Whether you are working from home or staying home from school, keeping your kids entertained 24/7, missing graduations and/or weddings, having nervous breakdowns and being admitted to the mental ward (that’s me!), or whatever you have experienced, everyone has been shaken by this earthquake of life. It has been ROUGH. Furthermore, feeling socially isolated has exacerbated depression and anxiety in millions of us. Learning how to navigate this new reality has been a challenge for everyone, and none of us will ever forget how we felt during this time.
I (and maybe you too) have said things such as “Life isn’t fair!” or “I can’t stand this!” or my favorite, “Life shouldn’t be this way!” It’s as if I have been fighting this reality, like I can will COVID away if I disagree with it enough. But it’s not going anywhere, and who knows what the future holds. Continuing to hold myself in this negative space, feeling sorry for myself, and wishing things were different will only suck up all of my energy, make me feel miserable, keep me away from the present time, and hide myself from anything good that could be happening (yes, I believe good things can still happen during COVID). It’s also exhausting!
All of these thoughts have brought me to this week’s topic: Radical Acceptance. Radical acceptance is defined as accepting something wholly, with your total mind, body, and soul. Coming to peace with the circumstances that have been handed to us. Radical acceptance offers a whole new way of thinking, and a new perspective to change your mindset. I learned about radical acceptance in my group therapies, and now is the perfect time to apply it.
Radically accepting the way things are doesn’t mean I agree with what is happening. It just means I recognize I have no control over the situation and I refuse to be a victim. I must choose to live in harmony, spend my energy on the things I can control, and choose happiness above all else. I also must choose to be grateful for each day, even if it includes quarantining. We always have the choice of happiness. No one and no virus can take that from us.
Continuing with my COVID example, to radically accept this challenging time, I must say this to myself on repeat, everyday, sometimes even multiple times a day: “This is not how I envisioned this year would be. I had different plans, and I don’t like staying at home and social distancing (I’m a hugger). I miss my friends and family so much. However, I have no control over this situation, so I accept it for what it is. I will get through this.” Just those few sentences can change the whole way I look and feel about this pesky virus that has greatly impacted our lives.
But it doesn’t stop there. Radical acceptance can be applied to so many things in our lives other than COVID. How many times have you wished things were different or had a different outcome? Here are some of the facts of life I myself have had to come to terms with and radically accept:
- I have bipolar disorder,
- My cousin, best friend, and grandmother all passed away within a year and a half of each other, and I couldn’t fully be there in person for each of them,
- I can’t hold or be close to my new baby nephew until I am vaccinated against COVID, or some other solution takes place,
- My 18 year old cat will someday leave me, and,
- I have no control over my destiny (at least this is what I believe).
I could go on, including some more personal circumstances. And some of you may have even tougher things to radically accept: divorce, shitty childhoods, abuse, rape, etc. Life isn’t fair, I can’t stand a lot of things, and maybe life should be different. But there is simply nothing I, or you, can do about it, so I radically accept it.
Obviously radical acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. It needs to be practiced. I have repeated mantras over and over to completely accept my realities with my mind, body, and soul. It doesn’t just take practice; it takes time and an open mind. Here are some things you can tell yourself to practice radical acceptance:
- “I can’t change what has already happened”
- “Fighting the past only blinds me from the present”
- “The present is the only moment I have control over”
- “This moment is exactly as it should be, given what’s happened before it”
- “This is the way it has to be”
We are so lucky to get to live this life and deal with all of the “problems” that come with it. All of those problems give us an opportunity to learn and grow, and that’s the real reward. Life is really hard, and if we don’t experience the bad, we will never appreciate the good. After all, without radical acceptance, I don’t think I could have the courage to write to you every week. And it has been so rewarding.
I leave you with this poem: COVID, death, bipolar oh my, Can’t change a thing, I sit and sigh. Trauma or childhood, this may be you, Hardships in life, always been true. Wishing and willing, reality it stays, Using up my energy, to find new ways. Make new mantras, say on repeat, New way of thinking, no more defeat. The future is yours, airy and bright, Radical acceptance, with all your might. Love, Stacey
