The More You Know

Hi, it’s Stacey again, and thanks for hanging out! I am so grateful for all of the positive feedback I have received since starting this blog. I will be forever grateful for the connections and reconnections I have made because of this. On the other hand, I have also received some eyebrow raises and verbalized concerns over going public with my diagnosis. Honestly, I have no regrets about going public. I stand tall and proud with my diagnosis, after all, it is part of who I am and how God made me (God = whatever Higher Power you believe in). I even think of it as a gift!

The “old school” way of thinking about mental illness reinforces the thought that we should have some level of shame about having a mental health disorder. It paints a picture of a “crazy person” who has no chance at a fulfilling and productive life. And while some cases are very severe, many people with a mental health disorder can lead happy and productive lives. The thing is if we keep our diagnosis a secret, we really start to believe that something is really wrong with us! There is nothing wrong with me, I am just a human with a medical condition that needs treatment. I refuse to feel the shame, embarrassment, or humiliation that surrounds my diagnosis, or the fact that I have a psychiatrist and a therapist.

Let’s put this in perspective. If you have a heart condition, are you embarrassed about having a cardiologist and taking the appropriate medications to prevent a fatal cardiac event? If you have diabetes, do you feel shame about checking your blood sugar and taking insulin? For most, the answer is NO. So WHY do we have to feel shame about getting treatment for a chemical imbalance in our brains that we have no control over?

Now, let me shine some light onto this taboo subject. Let’s start with this fact: tens of millions of people are affected by a mental illness each year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Mental illnesses (aka mental health disorders) include, but are not limited to: depression, bipolar (manic depression), schizophrenia, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, addiction, and autism. Lots of stuff, right? Secondly, for some of these, there is a spectrum of severity. Bipolar is one that comes with a spectrum, and I will focus on this since it is my specialty (curtsey and bow).

Bipolar disorder is an illness characterized by extreme mood swings. Additionally, Bipolar comes in two types, Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. Both types experience the opposite poles of depression and mania, but the severity of the mania is what differentiates the two.

Depression is commonly known and some of the symptoms include feeling sad, empty, or hopeless, diminished interest in all activities, loss of energy, inability to concentrate, weight loss/gain, and recurrent thoughts of suicide. On the other side, there is mania. Most people think this means just a super happy mood, but there is so much more to it. Mania can be defined as distinct periods of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood. Mania also includes inflated self-esteem, a decreased need for sleep, being more talkative than usual, racing thoughts, distractibility, overindulgence in enjoyable behaviors, and excessive restlessness. Full-blown mania includes a break from reality, or psychosis (type 1), or it can take a “less severe” form known as hypomania (type 2). Furthermore, in order to be diagnosed with bipolar, you must experience a certain number of these symptoms for a certain period of time.

An example of bipolar 1 is when a friend of mine truly believed she was part of a human trafficking ring while being taken to the hospital. She fought so hard for her life, or so she thought she had to, that she was bruised like an old peach by the time she arrived in the ER from trying to escape her restraints. She ended up being my roommate on the unit, and we were besties for the 72 hours (aka eternity) I was there.

I’m one that experiences hypomania. To give you an idea of what my hypomania looks like, I experience rapid speech, very little sleep, I am super easily agitated by almost everyone, and I have an abnormal amount of energy. I also get an increase in goal-oriented activity. For example, while in graduate school for nursing, I also decided I was going to be a real estate agent AND the president of the hospital I work in. And while I’ve never had a break from reality, one time I did paint a room in my house in under an hour. My husband thought I was just being overly productive, and he wasn’t wrong. Oh, hypomania.

The point is bipolar looks different on everyone. We all may have similar symptoms or experiences, but no two people are exactly the same. And you know what else? There are many different medications and combinations of medications that work differently for everyone. Bipolar is a winding road, and while we may all be on the same path, we all experience different journeys.

I may have never been psychotic, but I have still been hospitalized for my “less severe” bipolar disorder and it has significantly impaired my life when it was untreated. It’s a serious illness; there is no denying that. But before you judge or make someone feel ashamed for admitting his or her diagnosis to you, try to have some compassion. It takes a lot of courage to open up and be our true authentic selves, whether we battle mental illness or not. Remember, none of us are perfect and all of us are dealing with something.

I leave you with this poem:
 
Mental illness, it’s not a shame,
God-given gift, no one to blame.
 
The subject is taboo, no one will talk,
I won’t feel remorse, refuse to gawk.
 
Mental disorders, so many there are,
From mild to severe, simple to bizarre.
 
I specialize in one, bipolar that is,
Depression and mania, I’m in a tizz.

Let’s educate and learn, judgment no more,
Everyone is different, open the door.
 
Ask some questions, if you don’t know,     
Or look it up, knowledge to grow.
 
We are all human, let’s cut a break,
Always be yourself, never a fake.